Well it seems as though I have defeated those odds I was talking about yesterday. I am here with my second post. I won't be posting every single day, but I wanted to get some content out there for you guys. I'm excited. I hope you're excited.
In my first post, I made a comment about the participation award. For those of you who aren't aware of the award, it is simply recognition for trying. I got many of these. It seems like a lovely concept. It's thoughtful to tell someone that you recognize they put in some effort. It's often given to children when they play sports and not everyone can be MVP. As we know, this is not the only way that people get rewarded for trying. For example, when you audition for the school play and everyone gets cast in it. On a more mature level, when someone stays in a relationship with you just because they don't want to hurt your feelings.
Avoiding the Inevitable
Though these scenarios are different, I took some time to think about why they are similar. The reason is that they all are trying to avoid pain. Now unfortunately, pain is simply a part of life. Of course, the pain you experience is based on your unique perspective. What you find painful, someone else may not. But the concept of pain is something every single person goes through. I find this a bit comforting in itself...knowing that I'm not alone in that regard.
When we avoid pain, we aren't recognizing its importance in our lives. Our struggles are what build us, what shape us into the individuals that we become. We know this. So why do we avoid it? Well, it doesn't feel good. Parents don't like to see their kids hurting, they know what it feels like. They want to protect their children from it as much as possible. We also have consciences. We don't want to inflict pain on someone else. Therefore, it's easier to stay in a relationship with someone than feel the guilt of knowing you hurt another person. Even though, you shouldn't feel guilty for recognizing and addressing when something isn't working.
Because when we avoid pain, we also avoid learning how to deal with it. When we don't know how to deal with something, it just sits there and becomes a bigger and bigger issue. We want to keep a painful time as a process we work through, not something we become.
The Dreaded "F" Word
Perhaps the first thing we can do is change the way we look at failure. I don't even like that word. Failure is simply "a lack of success." I would rather say that a person tried...and it didn't work out. There are many reasons as to why we do or don't succeed at something. You could try out for a part in a film, have an amazing audition, but they already had someone else in mind. You didn't fail. It simply didn't work out. You can try as hard as you're able to in a relationship, but they might not be a good fit for you. You didn't fail at being in a relationship. It simply didn't work out.
Side note: This isn't to say if you get a 56% on a test because you didn't study, you say it "didn't work out." Don't...don't take full advantage of $2 domestic bottles at happy hour on Tuesday, forget about your exam, and say, "Ali said I didn't fail, it just wasn't in the cards."
Anyway, I don't know your story. So I don't know if any of this helps. I'm not sure about any tragic moments you've experienced, that aren't simply fixed with a different mindset. But, maybe this helps with the little things, so you can focus getting through the bigger things. We don't get to choose everything that happens to us, but we get to decide how to work through it.
Have a wonderful day!
- Ali
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